clean slate addiction

on the toilet bowl this morning

2008-06-05T03:40:30Z

i wondered, truly, if he was worth leaving my parents for. truth is, i feel very tossed aside. don't know why i had hoped for more than a "cool babe, thanks" when he received the package instead of him saying that and then running off, don't know...

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looking back over my shoulder /

2008-06-03T15:32:26Z

I can see that look in your eye I never dreamed it could be over I never wanted to say goodbye Looking back over my shoulder With an aching deep in my heart I wish that we were starting over Oh instead of drifting so far apart Everybody told me ...

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eventful

2008-06-02T08:56:50Z

my mother has a psychotic fit, i get a job offer, i come home to find my mother has taken away my happy photo with anand from my bedside, yves saint laurent dies. i realise that i hate myself and have to learn to love.. me. ugh!

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shit hitting the fan

2008-06-01T16:11:47Z

yeah, so that happened tonight, and my mother tried to kill herself by sticking her fingers and toes into the socket in my room, and i felt angrier and hated her more, instead of sorry. then she went into a psychotic fit and drooled and sang and l...

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too. much.

2008-05-31T16:56:25Z

anger. cannot. breathe. very. tired. very. angry. very. numb. cannot. be. bothered. very. unstable. very. tired.

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i have a dream life

2008-05-29T07:49:55Z

and it includes a big bed, and the house size doesn't matter. there is a couch, comfortable, and a tv. and there is svu playing. there is a husband, who smells nice, in fact, the house smells nice, the bed smells of us, bathed, with musky underton...

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and the truth is

2008-05-11T01:55:48Z

i came back to a place i didn't really want to come back to, to parents whom i don't really get along with, to no job, to no actual life and my relationship is in the worst state it's ever been. on all fronts, save the religious one, life is shit....

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who do you need? / which are you?

2008-05-10T07:51:24Z

someone who understands you/the other completely, inside out, pre-empts you/him/her, knows your/his/her motivations and intentions, your/his/her sensitivities, proclivities, demons or someone who doesn't quite meet you/him/her on a similar wavel...

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you know that feeling you get when

2008-05-10T07:36:15Z

you realise that a certain good part of you, something that you knew was such an integral part of your good person, might truly be lost and gone forever? "might"- only used because of some sort of denial on my part; deep inside i know that my abil...

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how to believe?

2008-05-10T05:49:38Z

"residing in duality" or alluding to tensions between heart and mind are just sophisticated ways of saying "schizophrenic". say the dirty word, dammnit. say it, sully yourself, jump in the mud and roll in it. ok. rant over. i don't even know what ...

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